My Experience in Fetish-Wear

From a legal teen's perspective

I can’t really recall the first time I really became conscious of fetish-wear, or fetish culture. I always thought of fetish as ddlg, weirdos with foot fetishes and scary women who like to whip people. Although those fetishes exists, my perception of it was very skewed. Over the years of maturing, and being immersed in this culture- I’ve come to realize fetish is about queer celebration, liberation and giving into natural, unique human desire.

I’ve always been exposed to skin-baring clothing, and took part in it as a growing teenager. My guess is around 2021, when I entered the modern day nu-metal community- with that came my obsession with Tripp NYC pants. Nu-metal listeners and artists were known for part-taking in the late 90s Tripp craze. If you're not well-versed in the brand, these pants are embellished with chains, straps, o-rings and sometimes even handcuff keychains. As I scrolled through website archives, pinterest pages and store-fronts I discovered that all these clothing pieces are entwined with fetish culture…and I became obsessed. The silhouettes, the material, the textures and the history behind all these pieces are beyond fascinating for me. I began to search Ebay, Depop and poshmark to buy whatever I could find. I discovered Lip Service, Hysteric Glamour and Demonias along the way. I realized half of these clothes that were up for purchase for 150+ in pretty awful condition, can be found at fetish stores. Walking into a fetish, sex store was pretty jarring. I remember being a 16 year old walking into a sex store in boston and being absolutely enthralled by the clothing that was being sold. PVC, leather, latex, straps on straps on straps, corsets, booty shorts, tiny skirts, thigh-high socks, harnesses and literally anything you can think of. With this came uncomfortable feelings too. Behind me stood a wall of vibrators, sex toys and whips and chains which I tried my best to ignore because I had not yet become sexually active, and it scared me. One of my first real fetish pieces that I bought was my Lip Service straight jacket. I believe I bought this in 2021, and I had been searching for it for months, after I saw Fletcher Shears from the band The Garden wearing it in a promotional shoot for an album. I needed it so bad. I found Poshmark from an international seller, and it took like two months to arrive. The jacket is part of a line literally called ‘Fetish’. I kept typing in ‘fetish’, ‘leather’, ‘pvc’, ‘harnesses’, ‘fishnet’ into search engines to find things that fit my style, and the things I wanted to wear. I think an important part of immersing yourself in fetish-wear is becoming sexually liberated. I was a late bloomer and didn’t have my first kiss until I was 17 or so. In my area, kids usually became sexually active around 15-16, so I always felt like a prude. I wasn’t a prude. I knew I had sexual desires, and I had an urge to explore them but I was so scared. I was scared of embarrassing myself, I was scared of doing things ‘wrong’, and I was scared of allowing people (men specifically) to think they can see me as a sexual object, which to me now is outlandish and quite anti-sexual liberation for women. Once I became sexually active, slowly and carefully I began to understand the appeal of fetish wear. At first, it came as validation. I love validation, and I love attention. And I’m not afraid to admit it. I think there’s way to receive healthy validation, and that’s your partner (romantically or sexually) communicating how you’re fulfilling their needs. And to me- when my past sexual partners communicated they love the way I dress, and they’re attracted to it immediately. Fetish wear shares a story, and it shares a queer story specifically. I find the more ‘straight’ people that I have had sexual encounters with- they look straight through what I wear, and see me as a woman who is fuckable, and rejects me being more dominant in the bedroom- which is okay! Not surprised not everyone is into it, and it doesn’t affect me during sex, but it shares a lot about the other person as well.

I feel like sometimes non-queer people look at me weird when they see me wear an o-ring pleather choker or a harness over a t-shirt but I’ve learned to ignore it. I’ve never gotten weird looks in NYC though, especially around Bushwick or West Village due to the Parsons area and the growing queer community in Bushwick (all the college kids from parsons…). Back at home if I showed up to the mall decked out in Tripp and Lip Service pieces people would look at me so weird and probably thought I was a dominatrix or something- which is actually kind of cool now that I’m writing this. Sometimes I feel like I’m a ‘poser’ because I rarely take part in fetish activities I guess you could say. I’ve never experimented in it during sex, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to. As I mentioned earlier, the farthest I’ve gone is allowing myself to be the dominant figure during sex. Which to some- can’t be considered a ‘fetish’. Because that’s going into the notion that femme presenting people are automatically included in fetish… and I’m realizing I’m contradicting myself by saying this because of the prior paragraph when talking about sexual experiences. But I guess this may be a learning experience for myself. However, I participate in rave culture every weekend. I consider myself part of the queer rave scene now, supporting rave collectives all over the city. Not all ravers, but a lot wear fetish wear. Some people show up nearly naked, and it’s celebrated. Queer joy is spread throughout the whole experience, and that’s so exciting to see. One of my favorite outfits I wear is my Lip Service pvc o-ring bra along with a pvc micro mini Igirl skirt and some sort of 5-6 inch Demonia boot. I know this outfit only brushes on the top of fetish wear, but it makes me feel empowered. I also feel empowered wearing fetish wear on my day to day, even if it’s something as small as an o-ring necklace… It’s kind of like a fun secret in a way? Like only people immersed in the culture will understand? Idk. I feel like I mention secrets in all of my posts…

I look forwards to navigating my queer journey and maybe I’ll get back to you in like a year if I become a dominatrix or something. That could be so hype.